Delirium Tremens

I was told by my favourite Belgian barberette, Kim Debree (who generously donated these beers to me,) that of the 3 Delirium Tremens is the one most likely to have me seeing double, it's the one that really is not to be trifled with. It must be respected and enjoyed but never get the impression that it's your friend. IT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND! It tastes like it's your friend, everything about it suggests that it'll be your best bud for life, it pours in that same satisfying way that all the great Belgian beers do, like a frothy wave lapping gently at a shore of amber sand, If you take a sip through the thick head you can ever hear the bubbles pop in a gorgeously relaxing way that reminds me of putting conch shells to my ear whilst at the seaside so I could get the sound of the sea in surround sound. They can't have intended to do that, it's just not possible for someone to brew a beer and then specify that it sounds like the sea... But if anyone could then it would definitely be the Belgians.

Having been intimately acquainted with other members of the Delirium family was a huge advantage for me when it came to reviewing this beer because I could see what they've changed, what they've improved, that kind of thing and what you get with ANY Delirium is smooth and sweet textures and aromas that make them all intensely drinkable and a kick that would put Mirko CroCop to shame. The Tremens is no exception, weighing in at 8.5%, this triple distilled beauty is rich and smooth in all the right places, there's light fudge flavours with blackcurrant notes and a very small hint of elderflower. It is a beautifully rounded beer that doesn't taste as powerful as its' triple distilled counterparts but I'm certain that it is not meant to be. If other beers can be Howitzers and Cannons operated by the blood thirsty and the criminally insane, then this is a small, ornately decorated, dagger, wielded by an Armani clad assassin. You won't see that it's hit you, you won't feel that it's hit you, all you'll remember is waking up... If it has allowed you to live.

This is another example of the Bavarian purity laws at work as this contains only 4 ingredients. The laws are so important in the construction of traditional beer, you should never feel you need to add anything other than that small handful of components to make a masterpiece. Delirium Tremens is best served cold and in a Delirium Tremens glass with little pink elephants on it that make you look like a total badass!

This beer, as well as a multitude of other Belgian beauties, can be found at La Trappiste in Canterbury amongst other places. If you're not from around here then most Belgian places should have it, it's definitely one of their standards.

Food Suggestion: I'm really liking the idea of goats cheese with this, maybe on a pizza with caramelised red onions and a plate of garlic bread on the side... And some crispy, thick cut, chips! I'm getting fatter just from spell checking this review!

Drink this if you like: Duvel would be the obvious comparison though if you've never EVER had Belgian beer before then, firstly, what the s*** are you doing with your life?! And secondly, go find some Leffe Blonde somewhere, it won't be hard. Drink that, realise that you've wasted your life drinking vodka and red bull, then drink this to make your life complete.

Brugse Zot

For the Belgians beer is the national pastime, national obsession and national sport all rolled into one and, hence, it came as no surprise at all when my favourite Belgian, Kim Debree (local hairdresser and beer fanatic,) came up to me and told me that she knew of some beers that would absolutely blow me away. For Belgium, at least, having good beer is a matter of national pride. She gave me 3 beers, 2 of which were 75cl bottles, along with the branded glasses! She doesn't do things by halves!

The first of the 3 was one I have had before, but never before have I had it straight from the source. I've always managed to find bottles that have festered on dusty shelves, cravenly ignored by people who pass it up for more mainstream tipples. The beer I had before suffered for its travels and had waited around in the light for too long to be spectacular... It was still a gorgeous drink, but this, THIS isn't how I remember that drink tasting.

Brugse Zot, as you can guess from the title... I'm not altogether sure why I was trying to create suspense by withholding the name, is a light coloured, heady, smooth, vision of a beer that has a slight crispness and tastes like malted bread and butter pudding. This is easily at the benchmark for excellent light beer that the people of Munich set and, I believe, is up there with the very best ones (though what the best ones are is a matter of personal taste... Augustiner and Hofbrau. If you disagree then you are wrong.) I remember going to Brussels when I was young and, to my deepest chagrin, only tried 2 beers. I was on a politics school trip, so heavy drinking was frowned upon but not altogether impossible. I had Palm, which I love to this day, and a pils called Maes. I remember thinking that Maes was intensely drinkable but it is absolute pond water compared to this!

Brugse Zot, Zot meaning fool, is anything but foolish. To me it seems to be extremely well thought out, all the way from the fine 2 to 3 fingers of head that sticks to the side of the glass like a shoal of barnacles. It is sweet, sometimes bready, smooth and delicious. A perfect drink to whittle away any evening with. I know, from experience, that this is not the most complex beer the Belgians have to offer but if you just want a lovely, light, drink with some friends then there is no better social lubricant than this.

Food Suggestion: Moules Mariniere! A classic pairing of Belgian beer and Belgian food. Coincidences don't just happen! This would work well with something creamy and buttery with a little something to cut through it and take it to another level. Oh! And some big hunks of crusty brown bread with sea salt and butter! Do it! You know you want to!

Drink this if you like: Curious Brew or any of the Munich 6, I rate it, on a scale involving beers that you can just sit down and drink for days, as high as I rate those.

Affligem

Poor little Affligem, it took me drinking 2 whole crates of you before I even considered writing a review about you. You've been the beer I've had in the background when I haven't wanted to write anything, you're the beer I've gone to when I've just wanted a drink that I a) didn't have to pay for and b) tasted relatively nice. You're not setting the world on fire, you definitely taste Belgian in a nondescript, generic, way and you even have a slightly creamy after texture and comfortingly boozy afterglow. I don't know why I've overlooked you for so long, you definitely taste better than most of the crap in your price range, though I don't know how much you cost because I didn't directly pay for you, but you came from France so you must have been dirt cheap.

It came to my attention recently, Affligem, that the more I drank you the more I forgot exactly how much I'd had, which pays huge testament to your drinkability. I just didn't think about it. The lack of bitterness and general softness just made you blend into the crowd, not that you are uninteresting, just nothing struck me as anything special, but maybe that's what makes you special.

There is always room in this world for a beer who can do the simple things well, you don't need to be weird and interesting when you can just be good.

Food Suggestion: It's hard to think but I've had this with everything from burgers to lentils, curry to fish and chips... It's not hindered any of them and worked well with most of them.

Drink this if you like: Kwak, Palm, Leffe Blonde or Erdinger.

Adnams - Broadside

A classic, strong, ruby, mistress of an ale that has the colour and overarching flavour of fruitcake and a sweet aroma. I can certainly believe it when they say that this ale was made to commemorate a battle at sea, I can certainly see myself, tired from a day of frigging the rigging and spit shining the poop deck and whatever it is people did on ships, before collapsing on a bar stool. There would be straw, dogs, chickens and spit at my feet but it wouldn't matter because I had a pint of Broadside.

I put off drinking Adnams for the longest time because, in my youth and inexperience, I saw them as one of those boring 'old man' beers that were watery and weak and tasted a bit like muddy water (like Marstons, not that they have bad beer, I've just always thought of their beer as a tad boring, ((I qualify that as Marstons the brand, not Marstons the company because they own Brakspear,) but of all the big, classic, names in the annals of English beer history, Adnams is definitely one of the more interesting. I think it says a lot about the company when the man who founded it gets bored of living where he does, goes overseas and gets eaten by a crocodile. I get the impression that Adnams isn't afraid to make beer precisely the way they want to make it and if people like it then that's fine, and if they don't... Well, like Captain Hook, may they rot in the intestines of a giant crocodile.

Food Suggestion: It says on the bottle that you should have it with cheese but I had it with a Pieminister Deerstalker pie and it worked rather well. Beer and meat or beer and cheese? Beer and meat and cheese and pastry and get out of my room, I'm having a moment...

Drink this if you like: 1698 by Shepherd Naeme or any form of ruby ale.

BrewDog - Alpha Dog

Boozing up Ribena like an inner man-child who's just been playing in a garden filled with football, tyre swings and tits, and now needs something to quench his thirst. BrewDog just can't stop making nostalgic, easy to drink (until you pass out,) intensely interesting beers, and Alpha Dog is no exception. Described as an existential red ale, it certainly lives up to that as you can't help but be reminded of something from your childhood, for me it was playing in the garden and drinking Ribena, for you it might be playing in the... Park, and drinking... Robinsons blackcurrant squash. It even gives you the sensation that you've put a bit too much water in your squash before it hits you with a malty afterglow. It's not just boozy Ribena as I originally stated, though, it's got several more layers to it than that, because although the feel and opening taste are akin to Ribena, the colour is a deep crimson and the aroma is hoppy with hints of red fruit.

Have I mentioned yet how easy it is to drink? Because it's like drinking freakin' unicorn farts! (Which I imagine taste better than they sound... If they exist... Which they don't) I may have mentioned in passing how drinkable it was but I don't think I did it justice, it goes down like Luis Suarez if he had egg shells for knee caps, my beer glass went down faster than Lance Armstrong after an ill advised move from his management team that mostly involved him wearing a giant cardboard sign saying "Doping r da gr8st! Da Frnch smel liek cheez!" The moment you pour this is the moment it's gone. Buy several and then buy several more five minutes later when you somehow 'misplace' the ones you bought in the first place.

I got this one under the advisement of The Bottle Shop and it's quite clear that they know their stuff.

Food Suggestion: This is definitely a light summery beer and the food should match it. I'd pair it up with some sort of quiche or tart with vine ripened tomatoes or asparagus.

Drink this if you like: Red ale in general, if you're a fan of Red Top by The Old Dairy Brewery or anything similar then you'll go mad for this. I guess if you're a massive fan of squash or Kool Aid then you'll get along with this just fine too.

Franziskaner Weissbier

Yay! I've been looking forward to reviewing one of the many beautiful beers I had in beautiful Munich and this is the very first chance I've had. It wasn't my first choice... It wasn't my second or third choice, in fact I had completely forgotten I'd even had it until I saw it on the shelf at Sainsbury's. I will happily admit that I audibly gasped when I saw it because when I remembered where I had this beer, a whole reservoir of memories came flooding back to me. It was the day I found out that, in Munich, it is acceptable to drink a pint with breakfast, which on a scale of one to "HOLY S*** YOUR HAIR IS FIRE! I'VE GOT TO PUT IT OUT WITH RAINBOWS!" is one step higher than going to Switzerland and buying a beer with my Big Mac.

The interesting thing about Franziskaner, and about all German beer for that matter, is how they turn only a handful of original ingredients (and it is only ever a handful because of how strictly they stick to the Bavarian purity laws,) into something that tastes like fruity toffee, whereas the exact same set of ingredients can make a much darker and more bitter experience. Franziskaner, owned by Spatenbrau/Lowebrau/That Brazilian company who merged everyone's name into something ridiculous, is one of the few mass produced German beers that ever see it over to English shores. I sure as Helles (get it? No? Drink more,) haven't seen a bottle of Augustiner or Paulaner Dunkel down the One Stop or on the shelves of my supermarket/everything you ever need store.

In fact, the only other one to have made it over and made any form of impact is Erdinger. So is Franziskaner better than Erdinger? That's really just a matter of opinion, however, Erdinger retains it's flavour throughout, Franziskaner starts off with a burst of flavour before settling down to a much more drinkable state, which some may think is a good thing and some may think is a bad thing. The aroma is of caramel and gravy and the taste is thick and sweet with hints of pear and treacle... This was never going to be a fair review, but no reviews ever are. I had this for freakin' breakfast! I had it with a pretzel and honey mustard and a boiled freakin' sausage! Made from veal! And various organs I didn't ask about! It was this or coffee, the people who chose coffee were the ones who didn't look like they would have lasted through anything that Munich has seen in the last 100 years... If you know what I'm saying.

Food Suggestion: Pretzels! Honey Mustard! Boiled sausage! Nothing else!

Drink this if you like: Drinking before noon without looking like a complete alcoholic. This is your loophole... You're welcome!

Shepherd Neame - 1698

Bottle conditioned and thrice-hopped, or so says the Shepherd Neame marketing spiel, what did I expect? I expected more of the same, something to the same or better standard as Whitstable Bay, Late Red or Early Bird. What did I get?

Well, first, I need to tell you a little bit about Shepherd Neame. They are MASSIVE in Kent, just like Fullers are in London, Shepherd Neame are massive here, you can barely walk a hundred yards in any given direction without tripping over a Neame. Each one tends to have Master Brew on tap and then another from their extensive repertoire on top of that, the problem is (and I hate to say this) but a couple of their ales are just a bit bland and lacking in fortitude, even the good ones tend to be versions of the poor ones with one or two features that redeem and then hoist it to the status of 'good beer.'

1698, named for their tercentenary, is a completely different creature. If I were given a blind taste test then I would not say that this was a Shep's.  This proves to me that they know how to make intricate and interesting beer, even if their idea of intricate and interesting is: "BOOM! HOW D'YA LIKE HOPS ALL UP IN YO FACE?!" This 6.6% Strong Ale has the feel and taste of a chocolate stout or heavy porter and the hoppiness of a strong IPA. I rather like it when bottles have tasting guides on the back because I like to feel smug when I disagree. Apparently this is auburn... I'll take their word for that one, I'm downing this bad boy straight out the bottle like some sort of King/Farmer. They say it smells roasted, I say it smells more nutty with hints of hops and poached figs. THEY say it tastes rich, fruity and warming... Well... Ok, they've pretty much got that one down, though I would add that it tastes rather like caramel to boot... Fine, they got it mostly right.

I didn't think I'd like this beer as much as I, in fact, do. My first ever drink was a pint of Oranjeboom in a Shepherd Neame down the road from where I used to live and if they served this at all of them then I would be a much better customer.

Food Suggestion: Caramelised pork belly with a caramelised apple on the side... Caramel!

Drink this if you like: Mackeson's Stout... No, really, that's the closest thing I can think of to this, though this has more than double the alcohol content and doesn't come in a can.

The Five Bells Special

I am really bloody lucky to have a pub less than fifty steps from my house, I am even luckier when you consider that that pub is The Five Bells, a place that holds many distant, childhood, memories of chips and Orangina but now holds a place in my heart for supplying me with a range of fantastic local fare and fantastic local beer. For any weary traveller, for any beer connoisseur, for anyone in search of a good meal and a delicious pint, The Five Bells in East Brabourne is a home away from home. There are 2 things that really stand out for me and, rather predictably, they are both beers they have on tap. They often have guest appearances from Hopdeamon and Goachers of Faversham and Maidstone respectively as well as the occasional cameo of Gadds of Ramsgate but the 2 that really stand out for me are the 2 they have there every time I go in...

Chapel Down - Curious Brew

You might notice that the glass in the picture is a bit empty. When you get Cruious Brew on tap you tend to forget pretty much everything else. In a previous blog I described this drink as dangerously drinkable, drinkable to the point that I would happily drown in the stuff, well I will explain to you why I consider it so highly within the world of beer. It pours like a lager and, for all intents and purposes is indeed a lager, but it has the complexity of an IPA of double the price and the ability to quench thirst like a jug of ice water, poured from a jug that was crafted of ice, happiness and the tears of God! It drinks like a Helles style lager, which the Germans will tell you is one of the few types of beers worth drinking, and it has a range of different flavours which evoke a range of different feelings. It is lightly hoppy with twinges of grapefruit whilst having a cloudy creaminess and a mix of honey and caramel as a pleasing after taste.

For a pint you'll expect to pay a lot closer to a fiver than you would normally like but for that you are getting a pint of Ambrosia, the closest us mere mortals will ever get to drinking the nectar of the gods. I often go to the pub with my girlfriend and, as romantic as the scenery, the roaring fire, the smell of fresh bread, the quirky tables and chairs, are, I do find my myself wandering off into a world of my own where there is just me and my pint. That's how delicious this beer is. For me it just ticks all the boxes, it's not over powering, it's not so subtle that it becomes bland, it is a work of artistry.

... Don't buy it bottled. It tastes like piss when it's bottled.

Food Suggestion: They have a Five Bells burger that comes on a slab of wood, is served with a small metal bucket of gorgeous chips and is, maybe, the best burger you'll ever eat (in Kent.) I matched these 2 up the last time I went as part of the poshest 'beer and burger' combo I've ever experienced. You need to do it.

Drink this if you like: Hofbrau, Lowenbrau, Augustiner, Spatenbrau, Hacker-Pschorr or Paulaner... Basically if you've ever been to Oktoberfest.

Brabourne Stout

If Curious Brew is their lead lager than Brabourne Stout is their house speciality, a deep, almost obsidian, velvet stout, that goes down like a tub of double cream and tastes like licking Willy Wonka's coffee filter. Made by Goachers of Maidstone (Imperial Stout) this heady mix of coffee, alcohol and a bitter box of milk tray is perfect to start a night, end a night, completely forget a night and though not quite as drinkable as the Curious, very few things are. This pint can disappear in 30 seconds flat and bring a smile to your face while burning a hole in your wallet at the same time.

At Christmas my girlfriends' sisters' parents in law came over from Boston and I felt it my absolute duty to get one of them addicted to Brabourne Stout and that they verily did. The words "Jeez! What's up with this beer?!" were uttered several times, which I took to be a good sign as pint after pint vanished and the potential for a massive Christmas hangover increased exponentially.

Food Suggestion: They have, on their desert menu (a lot of the time at least,) a fresh, still warm out of the oven, chocolate and beetroot brownie, served with vanilla ice cream that melts into and makes a deliciously gooey mess. Buy that... Then buy another one and drink Brabourne Stout with it... Then go to weight watchers and blame Drew for being so fat.

Drink this if you like: It's not quite as chocolatey as Choklat by Southern Tier, nor does it quite have the coffee edge of some others but it has just the right mix. If you like real stout then you'll get along with this just fine.

La Goudale

As I normally do with all reviews, I pour the beer in the kitchen and take the bottle up to my room so I can study it and offer some insights into what makes the beer unique. I would've done that this time but the label is all in bloody French! So either La Goudale is a traditional blonde beer or it's an old man with funny ears... My French isn't... It's not great.

It pours a deep amber with a frothy head that lingers a little and tastes a lot like the Saint Omer 8.0% which I reviewed a while ago. This gives up 0.8% in that respect, weighing in at a respectable 7.2% and for that you get a drinkable and smooth, typically French, blonde beer that has an after taste like Pernod and burnt sugar but with a feel similar to watery Angel Delight.

I was never really aware that this beer even existed before my Dad came back from his annual booze cruise to the Carrefour at Cité Europe in Calais but it was a sound investment as it's one that, just from looking at the label, I probably would have picked myself. It looks traditional, it looks like it should be drunk by old men who sit in the shady back parts of French seaside cafés. It tastes like it should be had with cigarettes and talk of "The Resistance." Drink it cold and drink it quickly before you are found by the Gestapo.

Food Suggestion: Crème Brulee made in a massive plant pot and eaten with a trowel.

Drink this if you like: Any other French beer that costs more than a couple of Euros, they do generally seem to be the same. Pelforth seems to be the best of the group and if you've ever had that then you'll probably quite like this but if you're not one for stretching your wings then you'd probably like this if you've ever had Leffe Blonde or Hoegarden... Which everyone EVER has had.

Goose Island - India Pale Ale

Who says the yanks can't make beer?! Old men who drink watery bitter and sit around in dank old pubs that haven't changed since Churchill died and talk at length about pipe smoking and their inability to chew any more... That's who! American beer is, I believe, now in and around the top 5 beer in the world as far as taste and consistency go and Goose Island IPA is another in a long trend of excellent, fruity, heady, smooth, true drinkers' drinks that has no airs, nor graces, and knows just what it's supposed to be: A tasty beer for people who fancy a nice pint.

On a list of things that Chicago has given us, I would easily rank this up there with the likes of deep dish pizza and the wrestler CM Punk. The fruitiness to it is just so soft! It's as silky as the toilet paper of a Venetian prince and the head sticks to the glass as if it were riding on a bus full of children with special needs. The honey notes and honeyed amber hue help with it's drinkability but it could look like a car accident between 2 butcher's van and a hearse and it'd still taste like the bitter sweet tears of a Norse god.

I got this beer for around £1.80 and for that money you can buy a bag of Haribo or, if you'd prefer, a big sign saying "I'm a big, stupid, dummy for not spending the money I spent on this sign on Goose Island IPA, which is totally badass."

It's so hard to get this kind of quality for any less than £2, you could spend between 3 and 10 quid to get an AMAZING IPA but if you see this in whatever shop you happen to be in and it's priced below £2 then you buy it! You buy it or I'll beat you with my scathing words!

Food suggestion: Nothing too spicy, take anything with chilli completely out of the equation. I'd have this with a pizza, which sounds cheesy... But they say that ingredients, food and drink from the same habitat go together well. Pair this up with a Chicago style deep dish pizza, heavy on the meat, heavy on the cheese... As if there's any other way.

Drink this if you like: Rich IPAs like The Kernel (which is an absolute stunner) or smooth, hoppy, Helles like Green Daemon by Hopdaemon (which is also delicious.) If you're a fan of the IPA in general then you can't go wrong with this, it's an absolutely delicious beer.

Flying Dog v BrewDog - International Arms Race

I often question what goes on between the ears of those in charge of BrewDog, maybe it's a series of chemical reactions that turn into interesting decisions, as is the case with some people. However, I like to believe that instead of having normal ideas, these magical people have short clips of rainbows fighting wars with robot dragons and instead of thinking things like "I fancy a spot of breakfast," they actually think things like "Nah, I had breakfast yesterday, I want to learn how to unicycle on the face of a manticore!"

It is, I imagine, whilst having one of their legs gnawed to mush by a mythical creature that someone decided to team up with Flying Dog (it has dog in the title, the logic is there,) and make an IPA without using any hops. The thing is that when I think of an IPA, I instantly think of BIG hoppy flavours, I think of a rich depth of flavour that is both refreshing and warming. International Arms Race gives you none of those things! It is as far away from an IPA as you could possibly get whilst still technically being beer, not to say it was at all bad, it was just... Confusing.

Your first sip hits you like a bulldog with a surgically altered, boxing glove, mouth. It gives you the impression of being sweet, which fools you into thinking you're drinking something a lot closer to a shandy than the 7.5% beast it hides. It reminded me of when I used to go to the local shop after school, I used to buy a lucozade, a fistful of black jacks, fruit salads and palma violets and shove them all down my neck as quickly as I could when I got home. It was a fizzy, acidic, lemony, bitter, mess... And I loved it.

This beer is as complex as 3D chess and as misleading as a road sign that just has "farts" crudely written on it. If you're not prepared for what you're drinking then you're not going to have a fun time with it, it's definitely for seasoned veterans and beer revolutionaries. If you don't like it, which I didn't at first, then you should at least see out the bottle because I found that it grew on me like a tumour made of candy floss and the last few sips were a waltz through childhood with an alcoholic after taste that reminded me of... Slightly later childhood.

This, along with a whole lot of other BrewDog gubbins is available at The Bottle Shop in Canterbury, but a lot of the more standard (which is a ridiculous thing to say about BrewDog) beers like Punk IPA, Hardcore IPA and 5am Saint can now be found at most supermarkets. I've found that Sainsbury have the biggest range, though not the complete range... Which would be a terrible business move.

Food Suggestion: Something sweet. I don't think I've ever said this before but this could quite easily be a desert beer. Nothing fancy though, I'd quite happily pair this with a bowl of butterscotch angel delight, sit down in front of some Sponge Bob and veg out like a perfect mess.

Drink this if you like: Pannepot Grand Riserva is the closest thing I can think of in terms of flavour but it has the texture and feel of red bull with a colour and under taste of weak tea. There's not a lot like this out there, so drink this if you like pushing the boat out a bit.

Timothy Taylor's - Landlord

To drink this is to drink bitter silk, there is an odd element to Landlord that makes it moreish, like downing a pot of double cream but without all the horrible stomach cramps. Other than the peculiar, but intensely likeable, texture, the beer plays like a who's who of supermarket ale. There is little to no difference between the taste of this and the taste of any other bitter or ale you can pick off the shelf at any supermarket. It smells of nothing but VERY mild hops and to get that I had to push my nose up so close to the beer that I could have written this review whilst simultaneously drowning.

The main problem I have with this beer is how it promotes itself, now maybe some things have changed over the years, but in this day and age, what with BrewDog making beer that has a similar alcohol content as most spirits, you cannot call your beer a "strong pale ale" and then have the percentage be 4.1% On top of that, it's not particularly pale either, I've seen beers that I would consider strong dark beers that have been lighter in colour. I'm rather starting to suspect that someone has switched the labels on this and... Well, any other beer on the shelf, to see if I'd notice. Well, the tricks on you... Because I didn't at all. This may have been a classic once but we've evolved and beer has evolved with us.

Food suggestion: Crisps, or chips if you feel like heading out, but nothing fancy. A little bit of salty comfort food and maybe a battered sausage or a pukka pie. If you can't help but eat food that have names derived from French swear words then a potato and leek gratin would go well, but it'd go just as well as a greasy box of cheesy chips would.

Drink this if you like: Anything by Fullers and like the idea of trying something different. This isn't different but it definitely has a different label on it.

Otter Brewery - Otter Head

Having bought this from the same place I bought "Core Blimey" (maybe the worst beer I've ever had) I was sceptical about what would greet me when a popped the cap on a bottle that had little in the way of hints to its' contents apart from saying that it was a) definitely beer and b) "dangerously drinkable." Now that is a rather bold claim! They weren't entirely wrong though, the moment you have a whiff you are instantly accosted with the warm aroma of fresh banana bread, the colour is a very dark, very satisfying, brown and the taste follows the smell with a sweet, bready, cakey, sensation that keeps the ball rolling with a hint of tobacco and light hops. It's such a relief to be back to drinking GOOD beer, even if it isn't EXCELLENT beer, it is at least in and around, if not slightly above, the bench mark. However, I got this for nearly £3 and for that you can get yourself a bottle of Chimay or most vintages from most of the big brands, with the possible exception of Fullers, I seem to remember that one being much closer to a fiver.

So is it "dangerously drinkable" as the bottle had claimed? Well no, there are very few beers that I would attribute that moniker to, the top of that list being Chapel Down's Curious Brew (but only on tap,) Augustiner (which I have yet to find in this country) and Palm (which you can find in most Belgian restaurants.) Those, however, are the kinds of drinks that I can see myself chain drinking until my liver suddenly, and inexplicably, implodes. Is this a rival? Sure! Yeah, why not? It has an enjoyable taste and I definitely wouldn't think twice about cracking open a bottle or 8 of these in an evening and drinking until the otters on the bottles came to life and started their own gospel choir featuring Whoopi Goldberg.

I guess what you want to know is whether YOU should buy it. It depends what you like. Do you like beer? Good beer? Do you have £3 on you? Yes? Good. Then yes, you should buy this, buy it, love it for an evening and then forget about it until you rediscover it several years later, just like that girl you fell in love with who had intermittent alzheimers and kept wandering off (don't worry, that's not a real thing.)

Food Suggestion: A sandwich! A big beasty sandwich! The kind that you make when you've got the house to yourself, the kind of sandwich that's thicker than a labradors' massive grinning head but with twice the tongue. A sandwich filled with meat and beef tomatoes and salad and mature cheddar and LOADS MORE MEAT! Yeah, that'd suit this beer. That'd suit it down to the ground!

Drink this if you like: Well's Banana Bread beer or are generally a fan of bitter. This is much more subtle than the banana bread beer but is ever so slightly sweeter than most bitters... I guess if you're a fan of otters then you'd probably like this too.

Brodies - Big Mofo Stout

Wow! They really weren't blowing smoke when they named this what they did. It's an impressive beer in taste, texture, character, complexity and it just has a bit of that "WOW" factor to it. The best way to describe it would be to imagine drinking a cold glass of bitter sweet cake which pours like melted obsidian and goes down like molasses. It's a beer that retains head like a tantric hooker and punishes you like a dominatrix because at 10.5% it is not a beer to be toyed with but, like all the best ones around, the taste of alcohol is disguised with misdirection and sleight of hand. Some people will say it's more sweet than bitter, others will say it is more bitter than sweet, but what everyone will agree on when they drink this is that the first gulp feels like there's too much of everything and it just startles you. Once you become accustomed to it you can feel it calming down like a tamed wolf, but even if you have tamed it, it will always be a wild animal.

Some stouts can be too sweet, some not sweet enough, this one hits the nail on the head and then bombards you with MORE NAILS! It's rich, syrupy, burnt caramel aroma is enough to intoxicate most people but the problem comes when you actually start drinking because, even though it is very thick, it is as easy to drink as filtered water and as tasty as licking nutella off the *desired body part* of *insert wet dream here.*

This absolute stunner of a stout is available at The Bottle Shop in Canterbury, but if you're one of those people who doesn't live EXACTLY where I live and would, therefore, find it difficult to get there then you should ask your local speciality beer shop to order this in for you if they don't have it already.

Food Suggestion: Big, fresh, fistfuls of multi seeded brown bread and a soup that you could easily mould into a wet sandcastle if you wanted. I reckon pumpkin for the sweetness and chilli for some bite... Yep, pumpkin and chilli soup, big handfuls of brown bread and Big Mofo Stout like a f***ing BOSS!

Drink this if you like: Any stout that you can buy in a bottle that isn't Guinness. There's a pint you can only get around my area that, I believe, is made by Goachers of Maidstone called "Brabourne Stout," this is a slightly more powerful version of that. Drink this if you want to feel like an Irish Conan... The Barbarian, not O'Brien, who actually is Irish... And not quite as badass as the Barbarian, but he is much more alive and real... DRINK THIS BEER!

Hogs Back Brewery - TEA

"49p for a bottle of traditional English Ale?!" I thought to myself whilst wandering past staff shopping, doing a cheesy double take at the top shelf as if an imaginary, yet very tolerant, person were watching and applauding, "Oh wait, TEA, I tried that once and it was as bland as wall paper paste... But it is 49p, I best buy 6."

To be honest I'm glad I gave this beer a second chance, it's not going to set the world on fire and with a pour not unlike putting muddy pond water into a soda stream, it would be easy to write this beer off from the get go. It doesn't retain any head and what head it does have fizzles away like a shandy that's been left out in the sun for a day. It does, however, have something that a lot of ales, especially, do not and that is character. It's hard to describe it, but you can imagine someone in a dilapidated farm house working really hard to brew this... They may not have the best tools, the best hops or the cleanest water... Or be particularly smart, but they're trying their best dammit! That's probably not the reality of the situation at all but you can tell that someone has loved this beer once.

Light blackberry tones that remind me slightly of summer pudding and a light and playful taste that somewhat mismatches it's dreary aesthetics and it does suffer from having a nettley, muddy, almost fibrous quality that makes it difficult to down a lot of it at a time, at least more difficult than it would be to down beers like Hofbrau, which I could literally inhale; though near the end of the pint it does take on a creaminess that it could have done with at the begining. However, because it's only 4.2%, this does make this the perfect session ale for the elderly, maybe that's what they've been doing... Whenever they say they want "TEA" it actually just means they want to go out for a pint. Crafty old buggers!

Food Suggestion: It's got enough sweetness in it to justify you having it with cake or biscuits.

"TEA and biscuits vicar?"
" Hells yeah! Let's get rat arsed!"

Drink this if you like: Pretty much anything by Shepherd Neame, it's similar to their Whitstable Bay and Late Red. Fans of Black Sheep and Theakstons will also find similarities in this.