Brooklyn Beer Shop Homebrew - Chocolate Maple Porter

This may well say more about my general inability to a) read instructions, b) follow said instructions and c) have all ingredients available at any given time but I think that what I have in front of me right now is comparable to each other individual effort, so whilst reading this please award either a few more or a few less mental beer points depending on how competent you personally think I am at making beer.

Before I review the beer itself I would like to say that the Brooklyn Beer Shop make it very easy for you to start your homebrew. They give you everything you need and they give you detailed instructions, some of which actually come in video form just in case you're an utter idiot and need flashy colours to learn. The most satisfying thing about the process of making this beer was the Mash, turning malted barley and water into a delicious, sweet, black, wort that made my kitchen smell like chocolate brioche.

Anyway, enough of that, down to the beer! There is no carbonation but that's because I don't think I did that bit properly, it smells dark and smoky like a black coffee from a non-chain coffee shop that sources it's own beans. It tastes a whole lot like dark chocolate fudge and has a texture like syrup... Though you're supposed to use Maple Syrup... I didn't have any of that so I just used golden syrup that came in a squeezy bottle. I think it worked because the beer does have an underlying sweetness but it is definitely overshadowed by the big, bitter, dark, smooth choco/coffee tones.

This was purchased, after a heavy session with my beautiful enabler of a girlfriend at The Bottle Shop and it's one of the smartest things I've ever done... Whilst drunk.

Food Suggestion: What goes best with chocolate and coffee? No, seriously, what does? There are loads of things! When I drink this all I can think of eating is a whole messy packet of chocolate hobnobs. Chow those things down like a starving student!

Drink this if you like: Anything that describes itself as a chocolate or coffee porter, especially the Meantime ones.

Thornbridge - St. Petersburg

What better way is there to round off my borderline worship of Thornbridge than with their 7.4% Imperial Russian stout?  I could have shelled out for the Imperial Oatmeal or the Heather Honey stout but I'm not freakin' made of money, get off my case! Fine! I had the opportunity to buy them but I opted for this because I got greedy and wanted to buy at least 4 other beers too and shelling out £12 on one may have scuppered my plans somewhat. Yet again I got this under the sound advice from the folks at The Bottle Shop in Canterbury.

St. Petersburg smells a lot more playful than it looks, like the child with growth problems trying to play nicely in the park before accidentally breaking someone's leg. It looks like a black widow and I fear it may want to do some bad bad things to me and then gobble me up whole. I best get the jump on it and throw the first punch, only the weak don't embrace things that could knock them on their arse!

The aroma smells of freshly made honeycomb and thick cut marmalade, the kind of honeycomb you get at a carnival and the kind of thick cut marmalade you get at the county fair. It pours like gasoline and has a head like the wash on a pebbly beach after BP have been in town. The depth in flavour is just mesmerising! It goes from hoppy bitterness to creamy milk chocolate back to bitterness which leaves me lapping at the foam remnants in my (super manly) stache in a hopeless attempt to get the taste back. This is a beer you can get philosophical about, this is beer you could sit in a pub and write poetry about, words like "delicious" don't quite sum up what this beer embodies. St. Petersburg is rich without being sticky or cloying, it is bitter sweet without having an unpleasant contrast, it is both a drink you could down and a drink you could savour. It is one of the best stouts I have ever had.

Thornbridge seriously know what they are doing and they could easily take on any Belgian, Czech or German brewery and beat them at their own game if they were so inclined. I'm not saying that out of patriotism either because I bloody love the Belgians and the Czechs and the Germans but Thornbridge really are just that good. Don't believe me? Buy ALL/ANY of their beer and tell me I'm wrong.

Food Suggestion: A lovely, creamy, Stilton with water crackers and a sweet pickle of sorts would go with this like Pumba and that other thing from the Lion King... Killing off beloved characters to scar children for life... That's it!

Drink this if you like: The De Molen stouts and porters are a good place to start if you like this

Gadds - Dogbolter

I like Ramsgate, I like Gadds, I like the way that whole place does things. I'm a fan of the style, I like how simple they are with the design of their bottles and I respect their extreme levels of beer geekery. Dogbolter is a delicious smelling porter with overtones of mocha and chocolate that are so deep that you would be forgiven for getting a bit lost before you even take that first sip but doing that would be such an injustice because the low carbonation means that this porter is as silky smooth as the beard hairs of a hipster unicorn and the stinging bitterness at the end gives you the impression that you're drinking an alcoholic version of melted dark chocolate. In the background (and this is after a little while,) you get a hint of citrus, which means that Gadds may have stumbled upon an alcoholic chocolate orange! As far as porters go it is not as complex as something you might get from, say, De Molen (remember this reference,) but it is as rich and decadent as wiping your nose with a £50 note and as satisfying as playing the Jeremy Kyle drinking game (drink every time someone says something awful and drink every time you despair for society.)

The colour of the thing is odd, it's not as murky as most porters and if you hold it up to the light it is actually a deep burgundy colour. No normal person should notice these things but I find it interesting that it is so red that it has turned black.

I managed to procure this bottle, amongst a few others at The Offy in Whitstable, a place that seems like your average off licence but, in the corner, stocks one of the best ranges of local Kentish beers I've seen in any shop. They champion local and they champion it hard!

Food Suggestion: I want pancakes... I almost always want pancakes but this has put me in the mood for thick American pancakes with maple syrup. This would do well as a dessert beer.

Drink this if you like: This reminds me a lot of Darkstar Espresso, a delicious dark beast from down Brighton way.

Whitstable Brewery - Pilsner

A local company that makes a naturally lagered Pilsner. Imagine, if you will, my joy at finding such a thing on my doorstep... 40 miles away from my house... In Whitstable. The Whitstable Brewery do like to either utterly surprise or mildly disappoint me and on this occasion it is very much the former. It smells just like a Pilsner should smell and tastes somewhat like a Pilsner should taste. There are little hints of roasted banana in the mix as well as a very slight bitter twang at the end. The beer itself pours easily and looks as clean and as playful as any other beer you might care to mention. The carbonation is low but it's got just enough for a little zing when you take a hefty chug. This is, no doubt, a delicious beer and my respect for the company is rocketing upwards.

I do, however, have on problem with the whole thing. When I think of a Pilsner I think of a stein glass that could fit a small dog inside, I think of hearty food and loud conversation. I'd have to, at 33cl a bottle, buy 4 of these to fill a litre stein, which would cost me £8ish... Which I would be more than happy to do but it's just a whole lot of effort. If this came in a pint bottle then I imagine it would become my staple Pilsner of choice, it really is that nice but with such a small size I feel that it's just teasing us with, like a terrible babysitter, the proposition of more beer if you're good. It's not like the brewery don't have the big bottles, I'm pretty sure they sell their IPA in a pint bottle... Something they could easily get away with selling in the 33cl. Oh well, who am I to judge? ... A damn beer critic! That's who!

Some people might argue that less is more. Well if that's the case, just think how much more MORE could be.

This beer was bought from the kind folks at The Offy in Whitstable, a place that stocks a great range of local Kentish beers as well as some other things that I try to ignore as much as I can.

Food suggestion: It's a Pilsner. Sausage. Done.

Drink this if you like:  Urquell, Budvar or Tzara by Thornbridge. All good calls, all deliciously light with hints of something sweet and sickly and sinister lurking beneath the surface, ready to drag you down into a misty world of fun and excitement.

Westerham - National Trust Viceroy IPA

For the low low price of around £3 for a pint bottle you will be hard pressed to find a better IPA for your money. I'm wading into this review quickly with the big claims but that's only because they are so utterly true. This can't be bought in supermarkets but I happened across it in a garden centre almost half a year after it was suggested to me by the people at The Bottle Shop and it was with a little skip of glee that I snaffled it up and greedily slunk away back to my cave to devour it, bottle and all. Why do I covet this beer more than most? Well, it's partly that I like the novelty of drinking something made by the national trust, but mostly it's because everything from the opening aroma of peaches, hops and wet garden to the bitter after taste are so exquisitely measured that you can't help but drink it, sigh with pleasure, look around you to check if anyone saw you do that and then repeat.

The whole bottle, especially the contents, is charming. It's the kind of beer that holds your hand through the whole experience, it's not here to scream in your face and call you a bitch like Brewdog or Evil Twin, it's mellow and it's there to sooth your every ache and pain with delicious hops, a creamy head and a cloudy body that is light enough to justify throwing down yourself like a madman but has enough flavour and nuance to make doing so a social faux-pas.

Westerham have done a fantastic job with this and I am proud that they come from my neck of the woods. A delicious beer from the garden of England that helps protect the historical gardens of England... Castles too.

Food Suggestion: Go to a curry place, one of those ones where you can bring your own beer. If there isn't one where you live then just sneak this in. Order a Chicken Kashmir and that sweet naan bread with the coconut in the middle. This beer is deliciously bitter sweet and I think it would fit well with a hot, meaty, pudding of a curry.

Drink this if you like: This is a step up from regular supermarket IPAs and is similar in taste and style to Green Daemon by Hopdaemon. I imagine you'll also rather like this if you're a fan of Jaipur by Thornbridge.

Asahi Black

This is a drink that, for me at least, represents a boundless chasm of thick, gooey, intrigue. From the age of 23-25 Asahi was my drink of choice because, even though it's extremely expensive (for what it is) on tap, it represented the best available lager sold in town. It was lightly honeyed and smooth whilst maintaining a fresh taste that meant that you could drink it for... Well... As long as I actually did.

Now I've seen Asahi Black around, I've spotted it in quirky little restaurants and in the corners of beer shops, always subtly hidden away and never advertised as anything other than yet another Japanese beer. To me it just stinks of mystery! The gold and black label, with the original Japanese on the front, it says that it's rich and smooth but it's got a little bit more than that. The first thing you get from the smell is the slight smokiness and a little saltiness that reminds me of a dark soy sauce. When you take that first gulp it feels like a river of milk meandering through you and tastes like smoky banana custard with a soda stream twang.

I find it interesting that they didn't use different malts but they used completely different grains, they have a mix of barley, rice and maize to create this intriguing black lager. Ratebeer describe it as a Dunkel but, having had a few of those, I wouldn't feel comfortable putting this in that particular pigeon hole. It doesn't look like it should be as drinkable as it is because it tastes like an easily sessionable beer with enough flavour to make you think a little. It looks like the finest spring water mixed with the murkiest crude oil and bottled in black and gold.

Japan do a whole lot of strange and confusing things, their customs and culture might seem alien to some here in the West but Asahi and Asahi Black both translate very well. Thank you, Japan.

...Or

日本ありがとうございました (I hope that's right.)

Food Suggestion: I reckon this would go nicely with a lovely bit of fresh fish, maybe scallops and bacon... Or fish and chips... Or sushi if you want to get all topical.

Drink this if you like: It's hard to pin down a beer similar to this because all the other smoked beers out there are so much more smoked than this and I'm not aware of there being many black lagers out on the market. The tastes aren't massively unique but the combination may well be. If you like Asahi then you might like this, if you like bitter stouts then you MIGHT like this. This one is really hard to call.

Singha

Continuing my current fixation on Asian beers I have cast my eye to Thailand who are famous for lady-boys, having a really relaxed police force and green curry but, again, not exceptionally famous for the production of the sweet amber/brown/ruby/black nectar we call beer. Singha is my first experience of an Asian beer not from Japan, China or India. With that in mind, less thinking! More drinking!

On the nose it is rather pleasant and has a slightly fruity yeast aroma that bubbles out of the vivacious froth that is lively without lingering too long. The first taste is as smooth as silk with hints of raspberry and sweet French toast in the background. This is another chugging beer, though it's hard to find a self-professed lager that is NOT a chugging beer, but it's definitely got a bit of character to it. The smoothness helps it remain deliciously refreshing all the way through and it's easy to see why Singha has made it all the way to our shores.

It's hard for any lager to be exceptional because they don't lend themselves very well to having a great depth of flavour but I believe that you can find a beer for everyone and for most it will be a lager. I like to think that there's a lager out there that can match taste and subtlety and complexity with the big boys... I haven't found it yet but the Thai people have done themselves proud with this.

Food suggestion: Chips! Home made, double friend, skin on, rough sea salt, maybe a relish or a sweet pickle to dip those bad boys in. It may be a boring choice to you but that just shows me that you don't know how to make chips.

Drink this if you like: Baltika, Tsingtao and Asahi are very similar beasts but you'll feel at home with this if you just drink something simple like Stella or Heineken.

Tsingtao

Apart from amazing acrobats, beasting the world at the olympics, having a suspiciously high number of male babies born each year and fake communism, there is not much else that China is famous for... Except that everything is made there. Regardless! This is a beer blog and they are not famous for their beer. However, the one breakthrough from the country that makes everything, especially doppelgängers of things that are already very successful, is the, widely sold, Tsingtao. It's a beer that has always been on my radar but, like other novelties from the far reaches of the planet who don't have much in the way of beer history, has never appealed enough for me to actually buy a bottle.

Tsingtao is my first beer, that I know of, that is produced from rice and my first impressions are all good. It has that usual lager smell (slightly damp white bread) and the colour is a lot closer to being a pale yellow than anything else but the taste holds up very well and overshadows anything else, which is what really matters. It is light and smooth with hints of raw sugar cane and beetroot that leaves a lingering sensation somewhat like the sensation you get half an hour after you've finished eating a toffee.

As I have previously stated: There are 2 types of beer, those to be appreciated slowly and considered at depth and those to be chucked down your throat greedily as if your life depended on it. Excellent beers will be a bit of both but this one is a true, blue (sorry, I mean red,) chugging beer. This isn't for people who just drink to get drunk, leave those saps to their Fosters and their Stella and their methylated spirits, this is for people who drink to get drunk like a fancy, continental gent or a wide eyed, explorer of a lady with the mindset of Lara Croft.

Food suggestion: Pancakes and maple syrup! This here is an example of what I, and the Germans, like to call an "old fashioned breakfast beer!" (The Germans don't actually say that but I want them to.)

Drink this if you like: Staropramen is a similar fit to this. Simple, with hints at being a bit more of a complex beast without ever really fulfilling those promises... But at least they both tried, huh?

Grant's - Sherry Cask Finish

2 blue moons in so few months! I've found myself in the coveted position of being heavily in debt but happily in the black when it comes to whisky. If anyone was wondering why I flip between spelling it Whisky and Whiskey, it's because Whisky is the Scottish spelling and Whiskey is the Irish spelling, I try to remember to use the appropriate spelling for the appropriate tipple. I'm not sure how the Americans spell it, I like to think it's more along the lines of "MOONSHINE!"

Grant's is one of those bog-standard Scotch brands like Famous Grouse and Teacher's that serve the purpose of getting the drinker completely wrecked on a budget, each has different characteristics but each of those characteristics are dramatically unsubtle. For example, Teacher's is supposed to be the smoky peatey one but it's eye-watering stuff. Out of all the brands the only one I can tolerate enough to actually drink for any extended period of time is Famous Grouse and that's only because I liked the adverts as a child. In an attempt to class up the joint these brands have started bringing out fancier models to prove that they can appeal well beyond the bottom shelf vultures that are their bread and butter. Famous Grouse brought out the Black Grouse and the Naked Grouse, Grant's have gone a rather more straight forward route and released the Ale Cask Finish and the Sherry Cask Finish.

I'm not a fan of the regular Grant's but I must say that the Sherry Cask Finish takes away a certain brutality that put me off its predecessor. It's mellow with only a hint of the sherry sweetness and still has a certain acrid whisky aroma which means that they haven't messed with the whisky itself, it's not a liquer like Honey Jack or Southern Comfort, it's a bona fide whisky that's just been aged in a sherry cask to add a little character. It's not blowing any doors down but at £13 (on offer at Waitrose (Or it was at least,) with an RRP of £17 it is still cheaper than a lot of its competitors and it's hard to see an argument against buying it, especially at the current price, even when it goes back to full price it'll still be worth the money.

Food Suggestion: A Stilton that would make a dead man wake up and leave the room, a slice of red pear, some grapes, a bit of chutney and maybe a bit of ripe brie on the side if you're feeling slightly less adventurous. There is also a brand of chocolate that goes rather well, my friend got me a little tin of Tobasco brand spicy chocolate for Christmas, the combination is fun.

Drink this if you like: With it's subtle sweetness it's bordering on bourbon territory but it's still definitely Scotch. If you're a fan of regular Grant's then you'll appreciate this. I reckon you'd probably get a kick out of this if you're into Johnnie Walker too.