Ska Brewing - Vernal Minthe Stout

"No, seriously, it tastes like an after dinner mint." Was the sales patter at Bambuni, the home of the best toastie I've ever eaten in a van.
"How's that even possible?!" I demanded, at which the gentleman shrugged and repeated himself.

"...Sold!"

What's not to like about this though? It pours like tar, has a head like Don King (that sounded less racist in my head) and makes everything it touches smell like an explosion at an Irish confectioners. You've got to, at least, enjoy what Ska do because it's quite clear that they do. What is it the kids say nowadays? "Zero ducks given?" Well, that's ska, they just don't gave a f... Ohhhhh, kids sure are foul mouthed these days.

On the nose it smells like stout (chocolate and coffee, we've been over this) and mint. Both strong, both loud and proud, both elements assaulting you like they were random encounter monsters in a Final Fantasy game. The body is true black too, no light coming through this one, this kind of black is where sunshine and happy thoughts go to reconsider their options in life... The smell really does stick with you, I've just noticed that while I was analysing the body and eyeing up the speckling I got another whiff and before I knew it half the glass was gone.

It is just... Absolutely ridiculous. It really does taste like an after dinner mint! There are little hints of sweetness from the malt and little tinges of liquorice as well but the big surprise factor here is that it actually does as it says. It's a Mint Chocolate Stout, a beer I've been craving since I first awakened to the world of craft beer.

I use no hyperbole when I say that this beer is an experience that every beer fan (especially if they're also an ice-cream fan... Which I am) HAS to try. Even if it's just once... Though based on my own personal experience, that definitely will not be the case.

Food Suggestion: Belgian waffles and vanilla ice cream. Indulge that sweet tooth like a lapsed Mormon in M&M world.

Drink this if you like: Not tried anything like it before. I know Thornbridge had a mint chocolate stout but it's definitely not regular and Shipyard have one too but... It's Shipyard. It's like comparing Apples and... Well, considerably worse apples that look like they're made of steel wool and moss.

Ska Brewery - Modus Hoperandi

What was the Modus Operandi of Ska Brewing when they made Modus Hoperandi? I imagine it was to make a badass beer that they could put suited skeletons on... In badass hats and shades! If you've ever looked at a can from Ska Brewing you'll notice that there's a list of words around the top of the can, I only mention this because this one says "recycle"  twice and "HHH" once, leading me to think that this was funded by a WWE recycling initiative.

It pours well, in fact it pours so well that someone with no hands and severe vertigo could pour it perfectly. It gives a fluffy 2 finger head and has a slightly orange tint to its particular shade of brown. The aroma is sweet, it's got that rich, lightly caramel, lightly herbal nose that you often get from Simcoe hops though I wouldn't dare guess whether that was the main hop here. Either way it smells delicious and mellow. It's starting to look like their Modus Hoperandi was to make Drew a particularly happy bunny... Though that seems intensely unlikely when you consider anything other than the last couple of sentences eg. reality.

It's lightly sweet, piney, earthy, bitter at the back and as refreshing as dunking your entire head in cool spring water on a sweltering hot day. Ska don't seem to like putting percentages on their cans so I'm not entirely sure how drunk I'm getting but considering how easy this is to drink, I'm sure the abv would've been redundant anyway. A soothing, comfortable, refreshing beer with character from a quirky brewery who don't play by the rules, even if they did know what they were.

Food suggestion: Americans hate Indian food for some reason, which is a shame because this would go particularly well with a Madras or a even something silly sweet like a Kashmir or butter chicken. So how about Mexican? That's the Indian food of America, right?

Drink this if you like: Double Simcoe IPA by Weyerbacher or Black Betty by Beavertown.

Ska Brewing - Euphoria Pale Ale

I can tell Ska don't play by the rules. There's a skeleton on the can wearing a bobble hat, that was the first clue. The second was that Euphoria Pale Ale is so dark that it's only a couple of shades away from what we would, technically, have to call "lying." I know Pale is everything that's not black but this is devilishly close to the edge. I won't hold it against them though, unless it doesn't taste any good, then there's gonna be hell to pay!

It pours well, slightly frisky with a 2 finger head that produces thick speckling. The aroma is lightly fruity, lightly earthy with a little hint of spice in there, the kind of spice you normally associate with Christmas. Quite an enticing smell, though not the most pronounced. Maybe it's the calm before the storm.

There are hints of dates and prunes as well as an earthy pine, draped on top of a refreshing but smooth body. It tastes like a lighter Christmas ale, it's got all the profiles, it's got the warming spice and the luscious red fruit flavours but it's just more refreshing. I love a good Christmas ale, they're always so thick and luxurious. This is a Christmas beer for those summer months.

Food Suggestion: Full turkey roast with all the trimmings... Or a turkey and stuffing sandwich from a petrol station.

Drink this if you like: Skeletons, Christmas, cans and 'Murica.

Oskar Blues - Dale's Pale Ale

I like to think that Dale got this beer named after him simply because his name rhymes with Pale and Ale. I like the world to be simple like that. There could be another reason but there's no blurb on the can so I'm going to assume that he's some sort of hermit who, until he created this beer for Oskar Blues, lived in the forest with a herd of owls and brewed using hollowed tree stumps to store his wonderful booze. This is probably all inaccurate.

Dale's Pale Ale pours a warm dark amber and gives you about 2 fingers of head, which leaves thick lacing, which in some parts of the glass creates a wall of suds. There is a slight herbal twang on top of the particularly sweet malty smell which pushes the aroma away from "standard" and towards "interesting." There's light earthy hop notes in there too which give hints to its character and flavour.

I don't know who this Dale is but I like the cut of his slacks! Dale's Pale Ale is light, creamy with a bitter twang, refreshing and slightly piney which suggests to me the use of Amarillo somewhere in the process. This is a beer that is quite dangerously drinkable and it's quite charming in a way. It pours like honey, smells a bit earthy, tastes a bit piney, I'm starting to think my ideas of Dale being a hermit from the woods aren't that far from the truth.

Whatever the truth of the matter is, this is an easily chuggable beer, which at 6.5% will do you few favours. Oskar Blues seem to make beer that tastes a few percentage points below where it actually is. This could be a 4.5%, I wouldn't be surprised. It just says to me that Oskar Blues are playing for keeps, they don't care about your liver and your responsibilities, they care about making smooth, delicious beer that obliterates your eyesight and/or memory!

Food Suggestion: Chips (English usage. Translation: Fries.) Home made chips with a dash of sea salt, preferably near a beach.

Drink this if you like: Any craft Pale with American hops.

Oskar Blues - Old Chub

Tip 1 for drinking a Scotch Ale: Drink it out of something with a handle, if times are hard and washing up has piled up on you then a measuring jug or saucepan will suffice. Tip 2: Drink on St. Patricks day to point out that St Patrick wasn't actually Irish. Tip 3: Drink heartily, scratch yourself and curse openly because you're a bad man who drinks scotch ale.

The last tip is even more appropriate for this beer, which is called old chub, which in some parts of England could be construed to mean a rather compromising situation for an elderly gentleman to be in. A somewhat unlikely situation without the use of a few blue pills too.

Old Chub is a rich, dark, beauty with a sweet, brown sugar, caramel aroma with a little hint of wood chips. It pours like molasses and comes out with just under a finger of head, which reduces down to light foam and it clocks in at a respectable 8%... Oh and it comes in a can. This may not seem like big news to my American readers but the only can you can traditionally get in England that hits 8% is special brew and, I assure you, that the name is rather misleading.

What you get from Old Chub is, well... Without being crude, a bit of an Old Chub yourself. It's rich and sweet with little twangs of raisin and creme brulee. It's as deep as the Mariana Trench, leaving a lasting impression that takes minutes to remove itself from your palate and at the end it's got that little kick you get from Scotch which differs from the afterburn you get from hops because even though they can be equal in sheer violence, this seems smoother. It's the difference between being beaten to death with a cricket bat and being beaten to death with a belt made from peacock leather.

When done properly the Scotch Ale can be the sweetest of treats for the glutton with Willy Wonka levels of candy cravings and I can attest to Old Chub being right on the money. It's dark, bold, smooth and packs a punch that you won't mind taking but will probably put you on the floor quicker than you think.

Food Suggestion: Definitely a dessert beer, best had with creme brulee, panacotta or even a cheese board.

Drink this if you like: That feeling you get when you've eaten too many sweets. The sugar rush, not the sensation of nausea and impending, involuntary, oral output.