Thornbridge - Chiron

Ok, I think we get the general idea by now. I love Thornbridge, it's almost unhealthy how much I love Thornbridge, they can do everything, they can do big batch stuff that tastes like most brewer's small batch stuff and they make small batch stuff that tastes like the TEARS OF MIGHTY ODIN! Today I've got Chiron, bought from Bambuni in Nunhead (great place for a spot of lunch and a beer!) It's an American Pale, 5%, there's nothing entirely special about that... Or is there? ... No. However, the moment you pop the cap is when the magic starts and this pours like an absolute dream, giving 2 fingers of the whitest, softest, pillowy, head I've seen in a while. I imagine it'll leave some speckling but it's barely gone down at all, it's the perfect height, texture and colour and it sits on top of a warm amber/golden body that looks like it's going to be equal parts comforting and refreshing. I intend to put that to the test!

The smell is fresh, pronounced and hoppy, with a little hint of yeast coming through. It tastes biscuity and smooth, zingy to open and bitter to finish with little hints of liquorice, but it's the kind of beer you could session, and you'd make a conscious effort not to begrudge the hangover. It's got a good mouth feel, it's rounded and interesting; there's plenty going on but not enough to confuse or befuddle. It is beguiling and enchanting without being full-on witchcraft.

Whenever you see a review of Thornbridge from me in the future, let me sum it up for you in caveman speak:

"Ug, Drew are like Thorny Bridge. It are good. It are make Drew face do happy smile time. Ug Food pairing? Hot, dead, mammoth."

Food suggestion: ...Mammoth, what did I just say?

Drink this if you like: If you like the Westbrook guys or Sierra Nevada then you'll get a kick out of this. I imagine you'll like it if you're just generally a fan of Thornbridge too... Which you should be.

Drake's - Denogginizer

Well if that isn't just a beautiful looking pint! A clean, clear, oak body with 2 fingers of fluffy, marshmallow head sitting on top of it. That, however, pales in comparison to the smell, which is that rich, thick, American Double IPA smell, the one that makes you want to cry a bit, the one that makes your liver want to cry a bit, the one that makes your peni... Whoa! I think I went a bit too far there! When you look at the hops though, it's hard not to get carried away a little, they've concentrated mainly on Simcoe and Columbus with little bits of Amarillo and Cascade. What a dream team! I'm a huge fan of Simcoe, it just makes certain types of IPA really hum and there's not another hop out there with quite the same earthiness, quite the same depth, quite the same POWER. The carbonation is relatively high, which means the head's sticking around for a while, which I like, it's leaving some thick, bubble bath, speckling too.

It's all very well and good looking pretty and smelling nice, I would compare this to a beautiful woman (you know how you can compare everything to a beautiful woman,) but the next question was going to be "but does it taste good?" ...No, actually I think I can get away with that. If you think that's a sordid comparison then you've got a filthy mind... You dirty birdy!

It tastes like a perverted mug of hot chocolate. The mouth feel... The texture... The way the foam feels as you drink... It's just unfair is what it is. How is anyone supposed to compete with that? The sensation of getting a smooth hoppy rush through the medium of a milky, luxurious, imperial IPA is just... As I say, it's unfair. A 9.75% beer should not drink like an artisan vanilla milkshake made from milk whose cows were being given sensuous massages at the time of milking. What you get, taste wise, is sweet malt, earthy hops and smacks of raisin. There's a hint of wood too but it is only a hint.

I didn't know who Drake's were before, but now I don't want to drink anything else. What an absolutely STUNNING beer! The really terrifying thing about this beer is that, for me to be drinking it right now, it has to have travelled from San Leandro in California to Mikkeller in Denmark to the Bottle Shop in Canterbury, that's nearly an 8000 mile trip for a liquid that, traditionally, does NOT travel well at all.

I've got to try this from the source! I bet it's like crack if crack was made of happy thoughts and sunshine.

Food Suggestion: Food? FOOD?! Must you eat at a time like this?! Fine! Blue cheese, crackers, caramelised onion chutney (or fig) and a bit of celery... But don't go mad on it, ok? You've got beer to drink.

Drink this if you like: Similar in flavour to Green Bullet by Green Flash but the feel of it is much more akin to a really luxurious milk stout... I can't think of one. Lugene! That'll do... Doesn't quite do the beer justice but it'll do.

Weird Beard - Camden Beard

Weird Beard seem to have 3 distinct schools of thought on releasing beer:

• Big, intricate, complex, temptresses that assault you and leave you in a ditch... In a super fancy kung fu style.
• Delicious and refreshing session beers that are as fun to drink as a game of Risk with an extremely competitive, high voiced, leprechaun with narcolepsy. (I think that would be super fun!)
• And "Little Things That Kill," (A bafflingly brilliant beer that is low ABV and still pronounced and hoppy. I would call it driving beer but that seems a bit irresponsible.) Which is obviously worthy of having its own section.

Camden Beard is the middle one. The big clue is that it comes in the big bottle (I r smrt =D ) but at 5.5% I don't think anyone but the biggest lightweight on earth would think twice about considering this as a session beer. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I cracked this bottle open, I think I was expecting a cloudy, white, wheat beer with an enormous head and the smell of banana bread. What I got was a pint of lively, oak brown, ale that smells deliciously sweet and hoppy. Winner! That's something I really like about Weird Beard, they make beers that pour well and look good... A horribly shallow thing to like but I'm sick of drinking flat and ugly beer, dammit! The Germans will send a beer back if it doesn't reach a predetermined level of head (it's a freshness thing,) but for me I'm close to the point where I'll send a beer back if it doesn't have spider-web lacing and smell like liquorice, mango and dandelions. Maybe I'll never get to that point but Weird Beard aren't helping me, not with their pretty, pretty, beer!

Dammit if it doesn't taste as good as it looks too! It's got the smooth wheat mouth feel but a softly pronounced hoppiness that lingers, throwing around hints of toffee and liquorice, playing with the malt to soften it and occasionally giving you a little tingle. This is just lovely, beautiful in its simplicity, and I reckon a perfect beer for a party... Depending on your age, anywhere below 19 and your parties are too much about getting hammered and vomiting to enjoy this properly. Above 31? This is for drinking! Stop trying to pair it with a blue cheese soufflé! This isn't dinner party beer and no we will not "kiss the chef," put that bloody apron away, you're embarrassing yourself and everyone around you.

Conclusion: For people who read the end of books and look up main plot points on wikipedia, this beer is good... If you like beer, you'll like this. If you don't like beer then you should probably stop reading.

Food suggestion: Pork scratchings, beef and mustard crisps, dry roasted peanuts, good old pub fare. Nothing too stodgy, stop short of chips and you'll be fine, you'll be needing all that space for more beer.

Drink this if you like: As sweet and soothing, refreshing and regenerating as Mariana Trench. I don't think I've consistently drank beers as quickly as I do beers from Weird Beard... There's something about them that make me want to make a mess and chug like a demon.

Ommegang - Abbey Ale

Ommegang, a name that I could say over and over again if not for the fear of becoming mentally subnormal, are a brewery that deal in Belgian style ales but work out of Cooperstown, New York. I have nothing but respect for the American micro brewer so I expect great things from a beer that smacks of intrigue. It doesn't quite pour like I expected it to but the smell and flavour definitely makes this beer something that you would either proverbially or literally write home about...

"Dear mum,

I bought a beer that comes from New York but is actually a Belgian styled Abbey Double that weighs in at a whopping 8.2%. I know you don't like it when I'm on the harder stuff but if you could smell this beer then I'm sure you'd see my side of things. It's rich and fruity with biscuity overtones and a lovely sting of raw booze, like that summer pudding Aunt Mabel made when she fell off the wagon again. It kinda looks like that Christmas pudding she made too... Except with this we won't need to call the fire department... And I won't need therapy.

You really should try this, mum, it's definitely a pudding beer, what with its smooth body and light blackcurrant, honey, syrup and apple flavours that fizzle through like that time cousin Jimmy bought all those fireworks and set them off in the kitchen. It's odd but a couple of years ago I rated American beer well below my Top 5 but now the yanks are definitely in the top 3. I know how much you like the Germans and the Belgians and I like them too, mum, but they can be one trick ponies sometimes. The Americans, especially some of the East Coast breweries, can do Belgian and German beers that can stand up to the Belgians and Germans. On top of that, they make the entire spectrum of beer and plenty of it surpasses anything I've ever had before, so don't be giving me that whole 'Americans only drink pissy Bud and pissy Coors' because they don't! They've got some freakin' taste... If we ignore corn dogs and American cheese.

You know what I really like about this beer? It may sound odd but it's that it's not Belgian enough. Whoa! I know that look! Stop it and listen. With some strong Belgian beers I get the feeling that there's too much going on and the yeast flavours with the much stronger 12-15% ones can be so overwhelming that you can feel a bit sick. This steps back a little and lets you relax. It could be a 6%... It could taste like a 4% after you've had 5 at 8.2%... Which this is. The point is that this, as well as being a happy go lucky pudding, could just as easily be an arm chair beer that you enjoy in front of a roaring fire or in the comfort of your favourite deck chair on a roasty toasty summers eve.

Hope the dogs aren't dead and I hope Uncle Marvin has passed that gall stone. I'll be back when Thornbridge, Sierra Nevada, Brewdog, Augustiner, De Molen, Mikkeller, Evil Twin, Nogne, La Chouffe, Fuller's, Goose Island and Nils Oscar have stopped paying me millions of (whatever currency each of those use (pounds, dollars, pounds, euros, euros, euros, euros, krone, euro, pound, dollar, krona,)) to drink their delicious beer all day and swim about in their giant vats of beer like an alcoholic hippo.

Love,

Drew."


Food Suggestion: This beer is truly brilliant and I can see it going as well with moules and frites as it would with creme brulee or, dare I say it, one of those dreaded corn dogs. This beer could make ANYTHING better.

Drink this if you like: I consider this a much subtler version of something like Augustijn Brune or Gulden Draak but this is truly in a league of its own.