Kirin Ichiban

I do like the Japanese mentality towards beer, they push the ideals of purity and flavour over anything else, which is an ideal that has worked well for them. Asahi has broken the market and there is now moving influence from big Asian brands like Singha and Chang but the problem I find with all of them is that even though they are all crisp and bone dry lagers, they all tend to taste a little similar. So does Kirin Ichiban have what it takes to step away from the crowd and WOW me with scintillating hop profiles and cushion soft maltiness?

Well the pour is pleasant enough, a frisky single finger head soon dissipates to leave you with a beer that is a much darker amber than many others you'll see come out of Japan. The smell is of fresh grain, nothing fancy but it's definitely doing what it's said it's going to do and I'm warming to them slightly simply for not lying to me. The taste is crisp, sweet and biscuity at first before having a little rasp of bitterness in the background, on second taste the biscuit notes start to mix with the bitterness to create a dark berry taste which is intensely comforting and when you mix that with a body that seems custom made for refreshment, it looks like you're onto a winner.

Kirin Ichiban is definitely more interesting than I thought it was going to be which certainly teaches me not to judge a beer by its bottle. I've noticed you can find this on tap in trendy bars especially in places like Brighton and the unbearably cutting edge parts of London (you know the ones I mean, the ones with all those people who wear glasses with no lenses and cardigans in summer.) I remember having this on draught and being disappointed, this may well have changed but if you do have it on draught then make sure you do so whilst surrounded by drunk businessmen doing karaoke and not by a bunch of hipsters doing an ironic top 10 list of the best Morrissey hair cuts (there's just one.)

Food Suggestion: This seems like an all rounder, you could have this as easily with fish and chips as you could with sashimi. I look forward to mixing it up with all sorts of jazz to see what fits though I suspect that this could quite easily go better with a sweet than with anything savoury.

Drink this if you like: This is close to Singha but it isn't a million miles away from things like Pilsner Urquell and Budweiser Budvar.

Sapporo - Premium Lager

This is the big one, this is the one that I would imagine is the most widely recognised Japanese beer out there. Asahi and Kirin Ichiban are massive as well but neither of those own their own brewery in the states, neither of those get seemingly consistent product placement spots in American TV shows. Though Asahi heads the sales tables in Japan, as far as the rest of the world is concerned Sapporo is the big dog of Japanese beer.

It's easy to see why people like it, it has a smooth but slightly burnt treacle smell and a biscuit crispness that is in line with its competitor Kirin Ichiban. It is as smooth and as refreshing as any other beer from Japan and has similar character though it does miss a little of that aftershock that Kirin has but that can work either for or against it. I can see people going for the single dimensional sweetness with the biscuit undertones and only very soft bitterness but I'm not entirely sure what the Japanese market wants from its beer. From what I've seen it seems that they love their lagers and they love using rice, both of which make complete sense for where they are and what they've historically been used to.

Like Asahi and Kirin Ichiban, Sapporo is a mild, smooth, sweet, likeable lager that generally only works on the one level but that seems to be what they're intended for, which is fine. Supreme refreshment can be found from the Japan 3 (as I will now call them,) which one you prefer is entirely up to the subtlety of your palate and the strength of your sweet tooth.

Food Suggestion: Old school pub snacks like crisps and pork scratchings though, if you're feeling fancy, then some wasabi peas wouldn't be completely out of the question.

Drink this if you like: Asahi or Kirin Ichiban... It's the Japan 3, yo!

Maui Brewing Co. - Coconut Porter

Is this the first beer out of a can I've ever had? No. Is it the first beer out of a can that's cost me more than a fiver? It sure is buddy! Now why would I do that? Why would I go the extra mile for Maui Brewing Co.? Well it just seems to me that they're pushing the boat out a little bit more than some, they're coming up with interesting concepts and they're not scared of people not liking what they do. I get the impression that these guys are uncompromising and, if the opportunity arose, could probably take you down in a fight... Take you down to Hawaiian China Town!

Coconut porter pours as smoothly and as coal black as a Porter should be with a pencil thin head and low-medium carbonation. The aroma is heavy on the coffee but there's a little hint of that much ballyhooed coconut coming through the background, not fresh coconut but the dessicated stuff you find in cakes or in chocolates, which is probably smart because I'm not sure fresh coconut would've survived the brewing process.

There's a big smack of coffee up front, that's the opening gambit, but then it opens up and flowers into filigree of coconut, something that I have never EVER tasted in a beer before. What a lovely surprise! Maybe it's not a surprise that this tastes like coconut, because that's what it said it would do, more a surprise that it said it was going to taste like coconut and then it actually delivered. I like Maui now, they are brewers of their word.

The slick and smooth body helps you along with that chewy coconut after taste, occasionally giving you a little fizz half way through, which is a pleasant reminder that you are, in fact, still drinking beer.

What an innovative and extremely enjoyable creation. What a great introduction to Maui Brewing Co.!

Food Suggestion: If there's one thing I know that coffee and coconut both go with, it's got to be chocolate. Whatever delivery system you prefer, milk or dark (white isn't real chocolate.) Bars or melted and dipped at with marshmallows, it's your choice.

Drink this if you like: Porters I guess but this is unique amongst the breed. You'll get some who will add flavours but coconut is really thinking outside the box. I guess you could compare this to drinking Fullers London Porter whilst eating a Bounty bar.

Redchurch Brewery - Hackney Gold

One of the core breweries in London's craft revolution, if maybe not as well known as breweries like The Kernel, Redchurch Brewery come storming out of the blocks with a bunch of beers that look to be their main stays for the foreseeable future. Their site certainly talks the talk for them as far as saying they value depth of flavour and quality as well as mentioning that they do not filter or pasteurise, something that (hopefully) will become so common that it won't even need to be said anymore. I liked the bottles the first time I saw them, they're simple and no-nonsense, they say what type of beer it is and then there's a borough of London before it. It's not exactly Monet, it's not even Manet, but it doesn't have to be.  I want the contents of the bottle to be the masterpiece.

So here I sit with Hackney Gold, a beer I recommended to a customer without even trying it. The customer, who would only drink lager, is now converted and will often come back for a bottle of Gold. I'd accidentally stumbled upon something brilliant, something that's very easy to do at the Bottle Shop (Goods Shed, next to Canterbury West station.)

The nose is nicely hoppy, just a little, defined, waft as opposed to a direct kick up the nasal passage, there's a hint of red fruit lurking in the background as well, which is rather pleasant. The colour is a dark amber with a pencil thin head that retains well, the pour is satisfying and it has medium carbonation.

It is roundly bitter on the palate, engulfing your taste buds like a forest fire before putting itself out, there is a fruity background again but you have to draw deep from the well to bring that around. Even though it is quite punchy with its bitterness, it remains smooth with a medium mouth feel, which is what makes this the stand up beer I expected it to be.

I look forward to seeing what Redchurch Brewery can bring in the future.

Food suggestion: This has the bitterness of a traditional IPA and, therefore, would got great with a dry or rice based curry.

Drink this if you like: Meantime IPA is identical, I guess what you want will depend on what is closer to hand at the time.

Orval

I instantly regret my glass decision. I should've gone with a tulip... I just haven't had a good beer in my new Cheers glass and I wanted to break the curse. I knew, because my Belgian beer scout Kim said it was her husband's favourite, that this would be the one to break that duck. As expected the pour is typically Belgian, there's a ton of head that leaves heavy speckling and high carbonation, neither of which ever get out of control if you're careful, though even when cold this beer can be a handful so be careful! The colour is the exact hazy brown that a pine furniture warehouse would be if you put it through the biggest smoothie maker in the world.

The nose is sweet and spicy, thick and faintly floral with a background of violently citrus hops, I knew this was going to be a fun one from the pour but the aroma has pretty much sold me on this too. Even if the taste lets me down (which I doubt it will,) then this review will almost definitely still be glowing and positive. I'm not entirely sure if that's fair but if you could smell what I'm smelling right now then I don't think you'd be complaining.

The taste is... Deeply interesting, surprisingly fresh whilst being well rounded and a veritable chugging beer. The first sip is a characteristically saison style zing, sharp as the knives of the legion of lemon assassins, but then it settles into a round and warming glow which gives me the impression that this beer has just punched me, hugged me and then dared me to let it do it again. Everyone needs friends like Orval.

What a delicious beer. This has just got it all, especially if you like things that are round and sharp... Like hedgehogs.

Food suggestions: Nothing too mad, I'd settle for the fancy bread they bring out in posh restaurants that they claim is free. Some places have olive oil and balsamic vinegar, some have butter and rock salt, either will work as long as there's some lovely crusty bread to go with it.

Drink this if you like: Hedgehogs... Did you not read the rest of the review?

Boathouse Brewery - Discworld Ales

Before I even crack the cap on the first bottle from this well presented 4 pack I got for Christmas (from my lovely girlfriend,) I know that this review is probably not going to end well. There are few things I love more than beer, in fact there is NOTHING I love more than beer but there are things that are on a par with beer. Discworld is not one of those things but it is much higher on my list of priorities than vegetables, finger boarding, studying ancient Roman mythology
and bathing. If I may sum it up, I love the inspiration for the beer but if I don't love the beer then I'm going to be SUPREMELY vexed. There's no reason why they shouldn't be good but I've just repeated the Trooper review but with a subject that's much closer to my heart. Why do I do these things to myself? I could've just chugged them down quietly in a poorly lit room, but no, I must broadcast my thoughts to the world.

Damn my natural showmanship!


Modo's Midden - Golden Ale 4.5%

Ever had beer made by a dwarf that didn't really exist? Me neither... Except that one time... Though even then he was more of a midget than a dwarf. Regardless of previous experience, this is a beer review and I'm here to a) Drink b) Drink some more c) Rip out the awesome beat boxing skills that I think I have after 4 pints (which I totally do,) and d) Do some writing maybe.

Modo's Midden pours a nice, inviting, slightly darker golden colour with a generous 2 finger head and medium carbonation. On the nose it's sweet and floral with woody tones, all of which combines to make this, aesthetically at least, an appealing beverage. On a side note, I do rather like the little story they've written on the back that's somewhat in the style of Pratchett. I wonder whether the great man himself had any say in the descriptions... Or whether he knows about these beers at all, the Discworld Ales site doesn't seem to want to make that fact particularly obvious. Let's just assume he does and that he loves them.

The taste is well rounded with floral honey and malt sweetness running through the core and a light lemon aura. Bitterness starts to build as you drink more but it never pushes to the point that it overtakes and becomes the star, which somewhat suits this beer. It looks like fizzy caramel and tastes close to what I imagine butter beer would taste like. I know I shouldn't mix canon and that no-one asked Harry Potter to crash this party but it's true, that sweet roundness makes Modo's Midden dangerously drinkable. The label says that it makes you want to keep drinking and it wasn't joking. This is a well made, smooth tasting, nicely balanced beer that, though not the most challenging beer in the world, is at least interesting enough to justify a heavy session.

It may help that it hasn't been filtered, this bottle has some sediment which just shows me that it's real beer made by a real person. If that's not the case than that's one hell of a dwarven machine.

Food suggestion: Caramel pork belly or a honey glazed ham or sweet gammon, pineapple, egg and chips. Definitely some sort of sticky sweet pork

Drink this if you like: Dwarves and gardening... There is a story in that but you'll have to buy the bottle to find out.


Bugarup Blonde - Fourecks IPA 4%

Strewth! If it ain't a beer based on my favourite island on the disc, Fourecks (essentially Australia,) it's my favourite because it was the island in the first Discworld book I ever read: The Last Continent, I didn't start at the beginning... I don't play by your rules! The fact that this beer is also attributed to a Bill RINCEWIND means that this beer has twice as much to prove because if you're going to reference my favourite island and my favourite character than you best make this beer the BEST BLOODY BEER IN THE WORLD! ... Cobber.

Wow this is a really pale ale. I know it's an IPA, a Fourecks IPA to be exact, but that's an IPA with the P in bold and underlined. I've seen tap water darker than this beer, though that's mostly because we had rusty pipes at university. This is the same hue as most pilsners and it has the wispy head of an imperial stout. I really don't know what to expect from this, I can't just go to my standard well of adjectives when describing this because it just seems odd.

The hop aroma is a real creeper, it doesn't assault you like some do but it edges towards your nostrils, in a peculiar way it reminds me of the smell of nettles in the summer. There's a hint of the wheat field, a hint of summer, those odd nettles and I'm stumped by the smell. I'm really hoping that all adds up to it being a barn storming beer because right now it just looks like lager.

It tastes pleasant enough, opening with sour berries and ending with a light bitterness. It has a medium to heavy mouth feel and overall it's not a bad beer but there's something in there that's somewhat cloying and it seems to be hanging around a lot longer than I would have liked. Maybe it wasn't nettles I was smelling, it was the hot odour of all those horrid spores that get stuck to your clothes.

I'll drink the rest but I can and WILL sulk whilst doing so. I'm so horrifically disappointed by this one, it had references to my favourites and it limped into the blocks with a broken leg and left with the merciful sound of a shotgun firing.

It's not bad but it is fiercely average.

Food suggestion: The tears of extreme disappointment.

Drink this if you like: Seeing a grown man drink beer in the style of a 5 year old who just got an encyclopaedia for Christmas.


Bledlow's Silence - IPA 5.5%

I like the story behind this, I enjoy all the cloak and dagger, I like the throwback to the boathouse brewery having to bribe the Unseen University's crack team of porters. I really think they've missed a trick here though. The story is great, it's cheeky and cunning but wouldn't it have made much more sense for a beer named after porters to be a porter? You know... That style of beer that actually exists and would've been absolutely perfect? Maybe it was a bit too obvious and the people at Boathouse (Ales By Mail, I've just found out are the ones that produce this) Brewery and they'd already passed it up, opting for the exceptionally less obvious IPA. It's a bold move, I just hope the beer stands up on its own because that last one left me in a real funk, not a Soul Music kind of funk, the kind of funk that pushes regular beer critics into Going Postal.

The pour is rather underwhelming, producing a nice dark amber but with almost no carbonation and an extremely light soap bubble head that evaporates almost instantly. I shouldn't drink with my eyes but it's hard not to when what I'm looking at has decided to stand out so much by making a point of not standing out at all... Which I guess fits in with their whole back story. Aromatic and hoppy on the nose but I've definitely smelt much more enthusiastic IPAs, this almost seems scared of being consumed.

It tastes watery and the hops are as weak as most of my similes. To be kind I will describe this as refreshing... The same way that WATER is refreshing! It tastes like slightly bitter water! What the sh*t is this?! HOW F***ING DARE YOU SULLY THE NAME OF TERRY PRATCHETT WITH THIS UTTER SH*T!

This review is over. A dull beer that should never EVER even be mentioned in the same breath as someone like Terry Pratchett. What a f***ing disgrace! I hope Mr. Pratchett hates watery beer as much as I do.

Food suggestion: Muffled hate speech.

Drink this if you like: Being the embodiment of that one word I never say in this blog. Yes. That one.


Hix's Darkside - Oatmeal Stout 7%

I am not a happy bunny but, luckily for Ales By Mail, this is the one that I was looking forward to the most, so much so that I left it to last. I sure do love an oatmeal stout because when it's executed correctly it can be an absolute sensation for the senses. The same goes for the IPA though and look what this brewery has done to those, to call it butchery would be polite.

Things are looking a lot more promising from the off as there is a frothy, stiff, head that pops and bubbles quietly to itself, exuding a pleasing aroma of malt and light hops. It looks about right too, the pour was a bit frisky but considering the last 2 showings I think I can forgive that. The taste is... Well, it's surprising in so much as it is, at least, competent. There's sweet and sour notes battling away in there, on one side there's a thick treacle vein that's having a bit of rough and tumble with a rather interesting marmite element. The body is well rounded with a medium/heavy mouth feel and it leaves a twinge of bitterness on the tongue, suggesting that the marmite element won the battle outright.

This is truly a pleasant surprise because Hix's Darkside has proven to be the most interesting and, therefore, the best of the bunch. There wasn't much in the way of stiff competition, in fact it is somewhat comparable to entering a rabbit in a contest that involves looking like a rabbit when all the other contestants are parrots, snails and goldfish with tags that have "I r rabut" scrawled on them in crayon.

Food suggestion: Cheese toastie. Marmite tasting stout with cheese toastie... Thank me later.

Drink this if you like: When people make amends for war crimes.

Founders - Old Curmudgeon Ale

I've not previously experienced anything by Founders but the moment you pop the cap of Old Curmudgeon is the moment you fall in love with them. The aroma is so deeply intrusive that you must momentarily consider getting a restraining order only to instantly forget it because the aroma itself is so ridiculously appealing! Cereal and cocoa on the nose make this, dark, molasses hued, ale give the impression that you're about to tuck into a bowl coco pops, or krave, or whatever chocolate cereal is readily available in the country you're reading this in. I want EVERYTHING EVER to smell like this! I want a Founders Old Curmudgeon air freshener in my car and an aerosol in my toilet, I want Old Curmudgeon soap and I want Old Curmudgeon plushies, which would look like the sour old gent on the label but they would be filled with chocolate and cereal smelling chemicals which would make children, teenage girls and alcoholics want to hug it until its eyes popped from its sockets, until the smell ran dry and until people decided to stop loving it because it had no eyes and smelt like the inappropriate love that occurs between an alcoholic and a doll.

This is all well and good, but can it back up the smell with flavour?

In a word... Iwanttocryalittle... It's like a delicious, malty, hug from someone warm and not hideously unattractive. There is a hint of chocolate in the background but this is a smooth, malt heavy, ale with a medium mouth feel, a round body and an underlying sweetness that occasionally gets interupted by a little tang of hop bitterness, but never for too long.

Did I mention that this warming hug of a beer, this beer that has no trace of malice or aggression in its bones, is a whopping 9.8%? This doesn't just taste like it's low alcohol, this tastes like it's NO alcohol. This tastes like a chilled Starbucks choco-concoction or a comforting malt drink with a bag of cocoa nibs in it. It does NOT taste like it should be 0.8% higher alcohol content than Special Brew!

This is maybe the best malt heavy beer I've had to date and it's going to be intensely hard to beat. This is as satisfying as drinking a turbo-booze-fuelled chocolate milk. What a gloriously comforting and provocative beer!

Food suggestions: Cookies. Warm cookies, straight out of the oven. Don't burn your hands... Or your face.

Drink this if you like: Choklat by Southern Tier is a chocolate stout that is REALLY a chocolate stout in so much as it ACTUALLY tastes like chocolate. It was, however, a little bit of a chore after a while. This is a much subtler, much easier, not advertising itself as being related to chocolate, version that is just as satisfying as Choklat.

Siren - Liquid Mistress

Have I mentioned that I now work for The Bottle Shop? You remember, right? That shop that I always plug on account of all the amazing beer they sell? No? Well, to cut a long story short, I quit my old job that mostly concerned the repositioning of crates of vegetables and accepted a position where I got to share beery love with the beautiful people of Canterbury... And beyond.

This is a beer review though and what better beer to review than one that has, in my 2 shifts in the shop, become one of the quickest selling beers we have. Liquid Mistress by Siren Craft Brew, a 5.8% Red IPA is joined by Undercurrent, Soundwave and Broken Dreams in the Bottle Shop line up, but this is the one that really caught my eye. People in the shop have raved about Siren and I needed to get myself up to speed!

The pour is satisfying, there are 2 fingers of head that leave heavy speckling that rests unevenly atop a body that looks black to the naked eye but turns a crusted blood red when held up to the light. The aroma is intoxicating! Heavy dollops of Turkish delight meet and then make vigorous love to your nostrils upon first, second, third and fourth sniff. I couldn't keep going, I had to stop for a cigarette. On top of that I didn't want to get too shagged out before I actually drank it. What a smell! How does that even happen?! The smell is not just inviting but it's inviting the same way a drunken "booty call" text is inviting.

There's still the chance that this could be all mouth and no trousers. Let's see what it tastes like.

Nope, precisely no chance of this being disappointing at all. The flavour comes in stages, starting with sweet malt, heading into a middle core that's sharply bitter and ending with a mellow hoppy roundness, which mixed with the smell, makes the whole thing taste exactly like Turkish delight. I imagine what they've probably done is brewed this with a whole ton of rose water (they probably didn't) and if that's the case then I applaud them (I applaud them anyway) because that's a bold move and this is absolutely delicious (it's still delicious even if that isn't what they did.) Liquid Mistress is a deeply sexual experience for the average beer geek and just a regulation pleasant experience for everyone else... Non-beer geeks don't know what they're missing...

Food suggestion: The Germans once had liquid bread. This is one component of a liquid sweet shop. You don't need anything else!

Drink this if you like: Freakin' Turkish delight! How many times do I have to say it?!