Préaris Blond and Quadruple

Several months ago I started on a journey with Belgian beer, one I had started a long time ago but could never prove actually existed. This is my proof. I've gone from the extremely popular Leffe from the extremely delicious Flanders set to the extremely small and enigmatic brewery Préaris, who only established themselves in 2011 and have already made 2 beers that I am literally tingling with anticipation to drink. Why am I looking forward to these so much? I got too excited and googled them... Maybe you should do the same...


Préaris Blond - 6%


A 6% blond that looks and pours like a mix between a traditional Belgian blond, with a wave of foam that flurries up as quick as a fight at Oktoberfest, and a traditional Czech pilsner, owing mostly to the lightness of the body and the clean and crisp colour of it. It, oddly, also smells more like a pilsner than any Belgian beer I've ever had... Could it be? Could this be the beer I've dreamed of? A mighty mix between the greatest producers of blond/pale/light beer (Belgium, Germany, Crech Republic?) All my life I have searched for a pale beer that has had the body and drinkability of a German helles or a Czech Pilsner but had the strength in character of a Belgian blond.

Is this it?

HOLY F***ING S***! THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE ONE! THIS IS THE PERFECT BLOND (for me!) I might as well just stop reviewing all other pale beers because nothing is going to beat this... Or will it? NO! It's like drinking the purest mountain water from a babbling brook and having it taste like a hoppy, slightly bitter, dream in which you are a unicorn and you stomp to death a small town of evil gremlins.

It is not mind blowing, as such, in the taste area because there are beers that taste like this but all of those are much darker, much thicker, much stodgier and much harder to get through. This is like drinking the tears of god from the gently cupped hands of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. This is an ideal, a vision of what all light, pale and blond beer should look, taste and feel like. It has hit all the nails on the head so hard that each one has filed complaints with personnel... You are required in court next Thursday.

If you didn't get this from the rest of the review... I... LOVE this beer. Do whatever you can to get your hands on it, especially if you're a fan of Belgian, German and Czech beer.

Food Suggestion: Steak, but not just any kind of steak, pick your favourite steak, pick a good restaurant or pick the best market, cook it the way you like it and smother it in all of your favourite things. Chill this beer down and then indulge yourself like some sort of decadent, yuppie, hog.

Drink this if you like: Houblon Chouffe... No? Not heard of it? Look it up. Find it. Drink it. Be the happiest person in the room. Repeat until all memories become regrets.


Préaris Quadruple - 10%

The pour has already intrigued me; in front of me I have a 10% quadruple which is darker than the lower intestine of an ancient sarlacc (Star Wars... Keep up!) Now most of this breed would be frothing and bubbling all over the place like a mad bag of fainting goats but this... This is restrained. It has a decent amount of carbonation and a reasonably sized head. What's it hiding? That's what I want to know! The head recedes and I peer, cautiously, into its murky depths getting a strong thump of salted caramel up my nose holes. That's not something I expected from this at all, it actually smells like a dessert and a nice one at that.

Oh wow... Wowee wow wow... That's just... Words can't... That's just so... It's hard to describe quite how deliciously civilized this big, bad, quad is. It's as thick and creamy as a crème brulee and tastes like a dark chocolate and caramel pudding that's been blended into a beer. I once had a pudding at a fancy restaurant in Folkestone that was essentially just a glass of chocolate and salted caramel with a big punch of booze in it. I struggled to finish it all because of how stodgy it was; if they'd given me this in the same glass then I would've greedily devoured it and demanded seconds... And then thirds.

Why the hell isn't this on sale everywhere?! Wake the f*** up, world! Awesomeness is on the phone, he's saying that Prearis is taking over! I've had a lot of Belgian quads in my time, I've tasted many of this ilk and I've done so fairly recently too but this is just a different league. It's deliciously decadent as well as being reassuringly warming and smooth; it's like a warm duvet on a cold day.

I really don't think I could ever get sick of this beer, it just has such an endearing flavour and a cuddly feel that just makes you want to mother it and then UTTERLY DESTROY IT WITH YOUR FACE PARTS! It is not advisable but I would happily drink a 1 litre stein of this, I would happily chug it until I couldn't feel feelings any more, I would down it in one and wear the stein as a hat, I would sip at it over the course of several years even to the point where the layer of thick dust on top became like the sugared crust of a crème brulee and I had to drink it with a straw and a chisel. I would drink this out of a rabid dog's eye socket and I would come back for more if it meant that I could be close to this beer again.

Do whatever you have to do to get your hands on this beer. Beg, borrow, become a man whore for the weekend... Just do what you need to do.

Food suggestion: A big bag of freshly made honey roasted peanuts or some lovely peanut brittle. Really treat yourself to some sweet nutty goodness... Unless you're allergic to nuts, in which case I'd suggest a crème brulee or a crème caramel; you know, something that won't kill you.

Drink this if you like: Feeling the loving embrace of an animated panda, slick with delicious caramel because, uh-oh, in this fantasy world that's all pandas are ALLOWED TO SWEAT! Drink this if you enjoy the taste of music or the look of your hand when you've just slapped an attractive member of the opposite sex right on the buttocks (BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME!)