Newcastle Nocturnal & Winter IPA

Whatever you happen to think about the Newkie brand, they are a figurehead for what English beer should be like and is revered around the world as a readily available beer with both flavour and style. I don't think that Newcastle Brown is the best beer in the world but it is definitely not the worst and I am intrigued to see what else they can come up with.


Newcastle Nocturnal - 4.5%:

The moment I pour it is the moment I have deja vu. It's almost exactly like pouring Brown but with slightly more froth, the aroma is that old school bitter smell, that stereotype of beer that no longer exists but still sticks at the back of your brain like chewing gum beneath a stackable, plastic, school chair. The taste is not unpleasant and inoffensive, pushing as far as having a little hint of toffee to go with the smooth texture that makes this a thirst quencher more than a beer to be enjoyed and savoured.

There's something very odd about this beer and I'm pretty sure that it's because it looks, from bottle to pour, like it should be a craft beer made by some farmer out in Cumbria but it's made by the biggest brewery in England and brewed by Heineken UK. It was never going to taste anything other than artificial, which is a shame because I looked at these bottles and thought some of the real, passionate, brewers had cobbled together a few efforts that were so good that the company had to put them on sale. This is not the case. This just feels like a big company spotting a trend in craft beer and trying to jump on the band wagon to eke out a few more pounds to throw on the pile.

This is a nothing beer that is neither good nor bad, it simply IS. I can imagine having a few at the pub but I can't imagine enjoying it.

Food suggestion: Rice cakes. Something bland that tastes like nothing to compliment the utter taste of nothing that seems so abundant in this beer.

Drink this if you like: Tap water.


Newcastle Winter IPA - 5.2%

Are you actually s***ing me? Did someone switch the label on this bottle with one for Nocturnal? Because this looks, pours and smells almost exactly like its 4.5% counterpart. I've got a sinking feeling about this...

On the nose it's a near perfect match with Nocturnal and, oh guess what, it tastes like an absolute carbon copy of nocturnal but with a little extra bitterness to denote that it's a winter IPA. F*** you, Newcastle Brown, for making 2 identical beers and trying to fence them off as 2 "limited edition" premium beers, you bunch of bastard con artists! Having a massively popular brand does not allow you to make utter bollocks and sell it to the public. Go back to making that one beer that people who know nothing about beer like.




Food suggestion: A big bowl of bitterness and regret with a side of sheer hatred.

Drink this if you like: Being a massive f***ing idiot.


Verdict: Don't buy these. If you like Newkie Brown then drink Newkie Brown... Out of an old tin can as you slowly drink yourself to an incontinent death whilst wearing a pot noodle stained string vest, slowly infecting your hovel with the stench of desperation and stale piss.