Scneider Weisse - Tap 5 Meine Hopfenweisse

The Germans always were people for saying things like they were and I'm pretty sure the name translates to "Tap 5 (that bit was easy) My Hops White," which is exactly what you get. It pours a lovely roasted golden amber until you get to the bottom of the bottle where the sediment (which you are supposed to pour into the glass with wheat beers) kicks in and turns your lovely Wießbier into something that better resembles the contents of a communal student toilet after a heavy night playing Centurion where the shots of beer are replaced with shots of prune juice. Not to say that's a bad thing, some of the best things the world has ever given us have also been some of the ugliest, just look at Subo... Ok, that's a bad example.

On the nose this has got a whole range of things including gooseberry, orange, passion fruit with hints of caramel and red rope liquorice with yeasty overtones, which all combines with such complexity to create an intoxicating and complicated introduction to what eventually turns out to be an absolute bombshell of a beer. That first sip is important because my reaction was that there was little going on, but that's because I was distracted by the liveliness, the heavy carbonation and the cappuccino foam head that sticks around for days. The first thing you notice after that is the MASSIVE alcoholic kick, which is then subtly swept under the carpet by a menagerie of flavours that shift and transform while you drink. There were hints of toffee in with the fruity tastes and yeasty notes, but that wasn't the interesting thing about the whole experience...

As well as getting almost instantly hammered off this 8.2% beast, I got the distinct impression that, what with the transforming and the rapid effervescence, the beer itself was alive. So I guess the moral of this story is that if you want to drink something that tastes and feels like it's still alive, which is a demented and oddly specific thing to want from a beer, then drink this. If that's not your thing and you simply wish to be challenged then this'll be right up your alley too, but this is definitely not for the beer novice or the weak of heart.

Food suggestion: It's German, eat it with sausages or schnitzel with a side of potato mash or dumplings and stab at it with pretzels as long as your lower intestine and revel in how potentially offensive a stereotypical tableau you are casting.

Drink this if you like: There's not a whole lot like this out there on the UK market because this is high end stuff but Franziskaner is the closest thing you'll get in the shops.