Christmas Special - The Bottle Shop

Twas several nights before Christmas and all through the house no creature was stirring... Because stirring is for tea and we only drink beer in my house! Bam! Christmas is right around the corner and, as per usual (if I had been aware that the place had existed for longer than a year,) I found myself in The Bottle Shop spending fresh green on bottled ambrosia. No! Not custard! Learn your classics, you oaf! As a Christmas present to myself the owner Andrew Morgan kindly presented me with a Bottle Shop branded pint glass and my girlfriend with a branded half-pint glass. So what I figured I'd do, in return, is NEVER STOP USING THE PINT GLASS... And write a multi-review featuring a bunch of the beers I purchased from Canterbury's (of not Kent's) première bottled beer establishment.


Thornbridge - Kill Your Darlings

I've never been to Vienna, I've heard it's beautiful there but I've never had the urge to go but if this is the kind of beer I can expect when I get out there then I need to put some serious consideration into booking a ticket. It's just full of surprises, this beer! When you hear the word "lager" you think light, you think refreshing, you think you should be able to see clear through the glass. Nope. 3 words: Soreen Malt Loaf. It smells like something you should butter and have with a cup of tea after a day out in the rain and tastes like plump raisins dipped in the greasy pit sweat of MIGHTY THOR! It tastes thick, malty, fruity and rich, like if a summer pudding decided to give up on being a mediocre dessert and become a totally awesome beer. There is very little bitterness but the sweetness is interesting enough to keep you playing the game, though that's not entirely necessary because the texture alone is the kind that just leaps down your throat like a ninja's shadow.

Thornbridge range from £2ish to £12...ish and it's easy to see why. They can make beautiful beers for the masses like Jaipur and Wild Swan and they can make white label, small batch, beers for the man who likes to invest in the well being of his liver. The term "kill your darlings" hints at the ruthlessness with which Thornbridge make their beer, they claim that they do not want to be too precious about what they make and that their only goal is the finished product. Right now, all I know is that I don't care what they cut out of this beer because what they kept just works. It doesn't taste like a lager or look like a lager, it looks more like a standard brown ale but it has such delicious sweetness and maltiness that I fear this beer may well be gone very quickly... It's like a wet hug from Grandma or like being attacked by a dog made out of fruit cake.

Food Suggestion: You can only get them around Easter but when that pointless holiday does roll around you will be able to buy, from Waitrose, Heston: Earl Grey and Mandarin hot crossed buns. Butter those bad boys up because they were made for this beer! (Well, they weren't but it definitely feels like it.)

Drink this if you like: Most anything by Thornbridge. There are other British brewers flying the flag out there but few are making quite as unique beer as Thornbridge, I've not had a bad pint from those guys. I've not even had an average pint from them.


Emeliesse Blond

A Dutch blond huh? Christmas really has come early. When I bought this it was in retort to my purchase of Schieven IPA, a Belgian brew that was, at the time, described to me as perfect. The Bottle Shop expert on hand begged to differ with what I had previously been told and suggested I get my gums around this blond and see what went down in China town. I've got to say that on pouring it produces a very aromatic head that now has a steadily reducing bite mark in it because it smelt so good that I had to chomp at it like a rabid dog at a postman made of bacon. There are delicious, light, fruity notes that hint towards gooseberries but with a sweetness to the smell that reminds me a little of a gooseberry crumble with caramelised brown sugar on top. The head remains as pure white as the driven snow and as sticky sweet as a home made marshmallow throughout, which adds a little bit of fun to the proceedings.

Whoa! This has got some depth to it, the first impression is something along the lines of "meh, yeah this is beer alright," but then the thing just starts running riot in your mouth! It hits you with heavy treacle tastes and finishes with sour fruits there's a hints of the gooseberries I mentioned as well as a drop of grapefruit but, for some reason, I didn't expect the beer to taste like this. It's sweet and sticky but not stodgy, it's definitely not a chore. It's times like this when I wish I had a rating system so I could objectively conclude which one is better, this or the Schieven, but a complex opinion cannot be summed up with numbers so I guess you're just going to have to deal with words.

This beer is as tasty as drunkenly drinking Buck's Fizz in a hop field. Four ingredients, 2 whole paragraphs... Impressive.

Food Suggestion: Honey. Toast. Honeycomb. More toast. Make sure it's brown bread with seeds and those weird white bits all over it.

Drink this if you like: It may seem a bit counter productive since I'm comparing this to Belgian blonds but if you do like any Belgian blonds then you've seriously got to try this!


De La Senne - Schieven IPA

It's hard to reduce your expectations when a beer is described to you as PERFECT! I look at the bottle and try to analyse what constitutes perfect when  it comes to beer. Well, where to start? The bottle art is as good a place as any... Hops, though hop (singular) is more accurate. It's simple and effective. It's from Belgium, which I consider to be in the top 2 beer producing nations in the world (I secretly think they're number one but recent nostalgia and general patriotism are playing with my perceptions of objectivity.) It's 6.5% which is strong enough to make it interesting but not so strong that you would not consider having a second directly after. The pour is what you would expect from any Belgian beer, it's frisky and playful with a bucket of head and an instantly noticeable aroma and, since this is an IPA, that aroma was of hops. Lots and lots of hops, with all the citrus elements that generally entails.

The initial taste is light but that doesn't last long before a MASSIVE burst of citrus and hops scorches through your mouth like a Chinese dragon that's substituted in for the bull in the china shop. This certainly has a punch to it but it's not entirely overpowering and the lingering tingle of bitterness makes you crave it. This is not a beer, this is a drug, this is something you could become addicted to. The hop burn even extends (if you drink it like I do... Like a duck,) to a lingering whiskey smoulder, the embers of which remain throughout the drink.

This is true to the nature of the IPA but it's got Belgian craft written all over it. It presents itself as modest when, in fact, it is Isambard Kingdom Brunel with a sledge hammer and a stick of dynamite instead of a cigar, holding up a puppy in an attempt at fooling you that you're in for an easier ride than you actually are. This beer is big, bold and would be intimidating to all but the most seasoned beer drinkers... Even I'm a little scared of it, but I respect it enough to take the bastard down.

Food Suggestion: A big bitter beer needs a big and savoury meal, it needs to be challenging. Pair this with a vindaloo or a phaal and we shall see what you're made of. No weak sauce around here, go big or go home!

Drink this if you like: Meantime IPA is quite similar in taste but isn't nearly as powerful as this is.


The big question is: Who wins? Schieven IPA or Emeliesse Blond? Well, personally I much prefer the Schieven IPA because it appeals to constant search for beer that will challenge me and although I think the Blond is a delicious beer, I'm the kind of guy who really enjoys beer with power and substance.

These 3 and so many more delicious, challenging, refreshing, mesmerizing beers can be found at The Bottle Shop, which you can find at the Goods Shed next to Canterbury West train station.